My Little Pony: The Modern Era is magic
by sexyhorsie
Summary: MLP had several sex negative elements that I felt needed to be corrected.


My Little Pony: The magic of the modern era

Episode 1: Spike has a gender neutral son with one of his 14 polyamorous partners.

Once upon a time in the land of Equestria...

Four princesses ruled over the kingdom of equestria. Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, Princess Cadence, and Princess Twilight Sparkle. Shit was going pretty well until one day a unicorn of unspecified gender came to the royal palace of the two sisters and accused them of transphobia. When Luna got up to ask "what the hell is a transphobia?" all four of the sisters were sentenced to death by the unicorn for transphobia. All bar one, Twilight Sparkle. With the evil Twilight banished the unicorn named gender flower declared xierself the "Gender neutral ruler of Equestria". This tale took place approximately one month ago.

Present day:

Spike: NNNNOOOOOOOOO!

Yellow Dash was flying overhead when zhe heard his scream. You may have known this pony as Rainbow Dash. Zhir name was changed after zhe got a simply marvelous operation by Rarity to attached zhim with a neophallus. Since then zhe has differently controlled bowels and must urinate whilst flying in the sky thus causing a stream of yellow rather than rainbow colouring as zhe zooms through the sky.

Yellow Dash: Hey what's wrong buddy? Zhe said whilst spraying urine at the dragon

Spike: Well you see I was having an orgy with my 14 partners and I have a kink for not wearing condoms. So when I told them not to kink shame me they obliged and I got to fuck them without a condom on. Well now one of them pregnant!

Yellow Dash: Oh jeez wasn't expected that.

Spike: Yeah I mean I've nearly eaten away at all the money I inherited when Twilight disappeared after spending it on the diaper party that every one of my partners had to attend lest I report them to the police. But you see that doesn't bother me. What does bother is... what is my baby's gender going to be!

Yellow Dash: That's a tough question, why don't you ask the other ponies around town?

Spike: Good idea!

Spike ran through Ponyville and bumbed into Pinkie Pie

Pinkie Pie: Gender reveal! I'm now at X16, Y14 on the gender spectrum and I go by ree/rim pronouns!

Spike: Oh ok, thank you for enlightening me your gender neutralness. Anyway I've been wondering

Pinkie Pie: Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold up! Did you say "anyway" like it was just a minor note. Were you disrespecting my identity?

Spike: Well no it's just that

Pinkie Pie: Don't you dare talk back to your trans overload! I will... TIME FOR A GENDER REVEAL. My gender just shifted to X12, Y10 on the gender spectrum. You got anything to say about it buster?

Spike: Well... no

Pinkie Pie: Did you ever wonder where I got these scars? The ones on my hooves?

Pinkie Pie held Spike's face to stars eyes

Pinkie Pie: Ever since I started changing my gender every minute of every day no one wants to speak with me anymore! Now I get to sit at home all day cutting at my hooves because bigots like you won't respect my identity. So if you have anything else to say?

Spike: No, Mx.

Pinkie: Ok have a wonderful day!

Spike made a self note to repent to the gender neutral ruler later in the day. He decided to go to Rarity's house. He knocked on the door

Rarity: Come in!

She was in the middle of performing a vaginoplasty.

Rarity: Ah Spike, what can I do for you today?

Spike: Oh I hope I'm not bothering you Rarity.

Rarity: Oh not at all Darling, I was just inverting the penis. Say Spike could you be a dear and pass me the tequila? It helps me concentrate.

Spike passed Rarity the tequila. Now you were saying?

Spike: Yeah I got one of my partners pregnant and I'm worried about the baby's gender.

Rarity: Oh my what a dilemma! You know I started performing sex re-assignment surgeries as they simply made way more money than my boutique ever did. Did you know that Neoveaginas that are very deep are so in season right now, you could do with one. Did you know that deeper Neovaginas produced far less fecal matter than smaller ones?

Spike: I'll think about it, but do you have any tips?

Rarity: I'm afraid as much as I'd like to I can't say so. Terribly sorry Spike.

Spike left the surgery and went to sweet apple acres.

There he saw Applejack

Applejack: Howdy Pardner of unspecified gender! What can I do for ya today?

Spike: Yeah hi Applejack, you see I got a bit of a problem I..

Applejack: Now slow down darlin. I'll make you some apple dumplins and we'll talk over that.

Spike sat down at the table when he noticed something

Spike: Hey where did Granny Smith go?

Applejack: Oh that old bigot. We hung her after she kink shamed Big Mac N Tosh.

Big Mac N Tosh: Eeeyup!

Spike: Oh, well why would she do that?

Applejack: Big Mac came out as pedosexual and Granny Smith told him he was sick for wanting to touch his little sister.

Spike: Oh my, what a kink shammer!

Applejack: Oh speaking of which, APPLEBLOOM IT'S TIME TO DO DRAG FOR YOUR BROTHER!

Applebloom: Are you sure this is gonna get me my cutie mark?

Big Mac N Tosh: Eeeeyup

Applebloom: But I don't like it when you touch me... down there

Applejack: Applebloom! What did I tell you about kink shaming?

Applebloom: To not to

Applejack: Exactly. Now I better not hear you whinnin ever again or I'm whoop you said hard you'll be seein double

Applebloom did as she was told and did drag for her brother

Spike: So what do I do?

Applejack: I suggest talking to Fluttershy. Nee identifies as a squirrel and squirrels know loads about gender identity. Fluttershy told me so neerself.

Spike went to Fluttershy's cottage.

Fluttershy: Oh hi Spike.

Spike: Hey Fluttershy. Do you mind if I ask you a question about gender?

Fluttershy: Oh I'd love to but unfortunately Angel Bunny has been very bad today

Spike: What's he done?

Fluttershy: He's been refusing to sleep with me despite the fact I identify as a squirrel now. I don't know what's caused him to be so bigoted. Every time I make advances he keeps just looking somewhere else and eating his celery.

Spike: Oh no, what do you think that is about?

Fluttershy: I'm guessing it must be due to his internalised transphobia. Him not making love to me is a denial of my trans rights and I'd hate to report the little guy to the authorities. If it continues like this he'll be sent to camp. I'm afraid I can't help you right now but you can watch me and Angel if you like as I wouldn't want to kink shame you.

Spike: No thanks, but I hope you get to screw him soon otherwise the ponystapo will come after the poor guy.

Spike left the house. Feeling downtrodden he slowly walked back home. Until he heard someone say his name

Unknown: Spike!

Spike looked around and saw the purple pony of unspecified gender

Twilight Sparkle: Spike!

Spike: Twilight?

Twilight: Yes it's my me, oh thank goodness I found you. Spike what's happened to this place? I said to this weird flower lady that stallions couldn't menstruate and then before I knew it someone hit me on the head and I was being carted away somewhere. I managed to use my magic to break free but now I'm seeing wanted signs for me all over the place!

Spike: Wait you said Stallions can't menstruate? BIGOT!

Twilight: Oh no it's gotten to you too? Can you at least explain to me what in the hay is going on?

Spike: Gender neutral ruler Gender Flower liberated from the confines of societal expectations! Since she freed me I've discovered that I love pooping in diapers and spent all my money on it.

Twilight: WHAT? You're too old for diapers Spike.

Spike: Um excuse me, I don't tolerate kink shamming any more. You better learn the ways of sex positivity or I'm sending you to hoofwitz.

Twilight: Spike please, you're scaring me.

Spike: Yeah well bigots like you should be afraid. Now get out of here before I call the police!

Twilight ran from the scene in tears. But he was still left without a gender for his baby. But then it came to him

Spike: I got it! A gender neutral boy, that'll do it. And if my concubine says otherwise I'll call the police on her for questioning that baby's identity. And so Spike was satisfied. His quest was over.

Next time: Shinning dress (formally Shinning Armour) finds her vagina is pooping a bit more than normal. How is she gonna get out of this one?

This is the world you are creating you fucking idiots.


End file.
